Problems inward

So I have been thinking a lot the past couple weeks and I'm about 500 feet away from coming up to a sign that reads "the crossroads of you life" and there being to roads splitting apart. (I knew I should have turned left at Mcdonalds) Basically I am having some personal issues with my band (Seventh Sorrow) right now. We have been together for about a year and a half and have gained a reasonable amount of respect around where we live and we have moved up the ladder to being the biggest band where we live. Which rocks. We have posters, cd's, t-shirts and the like and we have been selling a lot of everything. The problem I am having is more that when I sit back and look into the box that the band is in, I see a lot of issues, some of which can be resolved and some that unfortunatly cant be.

For one, I have noticed my lead singers "vision" of the band has been slowly changing over the course of the past three months. It seems that the things that were important, like writing personal powerful songs, don't amount to anything anymore. Unless it is a radio hit it seems that he doesn't want anything to do with it. This isn't an assumption here either, he has told me this in the past. I understand that we need "radio hits", thats fine, what I don't understand is why cant we just play music and the radio hits will just come to and we'll make them. Besides that, he seems to be more interested in getting signed and making a ton of money. Thats the only reason he is doing what he is doing, to make a ton of money. It coinsides with the whole radio hit thing too. That bothers me a lot for the fact that when we started the band we did it because we want people to hear what we can create. Thats the best part when people tell you you have created something outstanding. Thats what I want, but as far as he is concerned I feel it has become a lost cause.

Now my bass player, hmmm where do we start... For one he is an alcoholic, which needs to be adressed. Not only for the band, but for himself as well. But the number one thing that is making me second guess the band is that fact that he has a kid on the way. Don't get me wrong, go ahead, have the kid. The only thing I worry about is the fact that his "track record" isn't the best with the whole having a kid thing. He already is behind in his child support, he has gone through 5 jobs in 6 months and cant drive (part of the bad track record). That and I feel really bad for his girlfriend for having to go through it too. The poor girl.. But anyway, mind you this guy is 28 years old and is now expecting to support a kid on burgerking salary? Yeah, thats what I thought. He doesn't own his own equipment he is borrowing all of it, which is a constant worry of mine. It's kind of hard to buy equipment when all your money goes to booze.

I don't mean to sit here and complain though, basically what it comes down to is do I quit the band, something I love to do to persue a career or a better job, or school? I would like to start a new band down in Chicago where I used to live, but living there again is looking further and further away from ever happening. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. It's hard to talk to people about it because they don't see all the arguments and what-not. Also in a sense the are ignorant to what really goes on in an actual band "enviroment", which I don't blame them for. I have talked to my girlfriend about it a few times and when I mention it she normally just shakes her head and walks away. She is convinsed we are going to make it. Which not to sound like an ass but I honestly think we could. But what is the point if you hate each other.

So that is about the small and skinny of it, only a surface scrapping... If you have any suggestions please tell me them it would be much appreciated.

Till next time.