Is there anybody out there?

There seems to be a common theme these days with people my age and younger that I am noticing.  From what I see on social media, there is millions basically screaming for others to pay attention to them.  Whether it be to listen to their opinions, views, musical tastes, food preferences, vague status's regarding their current mental state. I can't say I haven't also done these things, but it made me think about some things.
I think about my own life, its complexities in regards to family, values, goals.  There are billions of people who also have these complex lives.  Heartache, happiness, marriage, children, so many different things that they are thinking about and responsibilities that they have in their daily life.  I wonder about if there is anyone out there that is in the same wavelength as me.  I was listening to a song by Machine Head, "Is There Anybody Out There", the chorus is:

Is there anybody out there?
Anybody listening to me?
Is anybody else scared?
The paranoia, drops me to my knees
Does anybody feel lonely?
Disconnected from the things I see
Is there anybody out there?
Anybody out there just like me?
I’m choking on these words and I can’t breathe

When I heard this song it made me wonder how many people are in the black hole of wonder.  I think a lot of people wonder about other peoples emotions and feelings.  But I also believe the youth of today have fallen into the trap of only expressing themselves thru ways other than one on one communication.  One thing I have been doing the last few months is talking to people more.  Not necessarily just friends and family, but strangers and people who I may not know that well.  I realized that people don't just say "hi" to others anymore.  It is almost becoming taboo or just something that is done because it is a normal social construct we were brought up in.  I'll tell you what, just saying "hello" or "how is your day going" has opened up a lot of fun conversations or just a way to learn about others.  I feel like that human connection is going away.  Which in my opinion is one of the most important things we can have.  There doesn't need to be this disconnect between people, or this awkward moment of "why is this person talking to me?".  I am on Instagram and I see a lot of memes that describe liking dogs or cats more than humans.  Don't get me wrong, I have a cat, I think she is pretty damn cool.  But I don't value her time more than other peoples.  There has been an uprise in this mentality for about 5 years now.  I see it more and more.  Maybe I don't understand what is so enticing about sitting at home watching netflix or youtube instead of being out and interacting directly with people.  Hearing someones voice and seeing their body language instead of reading a text message that is hollow and void of true emotion.  Even when getting a message that says "I love you" to me doesn't hold the weight of a phone call. 
I was messaging a girl that I like,  we had plans that weren't really set in stone and she had decided to head home instead of getting together.  Which is all good, work can take it out of you sometimes.  We ended up texting over the course of 4 hours.  It was fun conversation and we talked about some more personal stuff too.  I guess what I don't understand is what is more valued?  I feel like I didn't gain anything from the conversation in regards to forming a connection with this person.  Yes, I was given some insight on who they are, but how can you establish a connection based thru text conversation?  We have gotten together a couple times and had a great time, but I would say we have had about more conversations over text than anything else.  It's one of those things that I am not upset, but it makes me wonder if this is just the way it is now.  We have to survive emotionally off of reading conversations off of phones. Are all relationships becoming void of interaction due to people relying on relaying what they have to say thru messaging and social media.  Only for the main goal to be in pajamas and watching Netflix.  The double standard to that being if you invite them over to do just that, it now becomes "netflix and chill" with the negative connotation that you want to invite them over to have sex with them. 

The world today..

Death From Above

 Just some thoughts, in poem version:

I see the new moon

Of souless boys and there broken toys

Living like the day is in a constant end

Flying towards the sunrise only to find the night again

Yes, I am sinking

In an hourglass of thoughts

forget, what I’m thinking

I cant do it all for you

Cant clear up all my faults for you

Cant feel the rhythm of your rhyme

There is no excuse

In a pitch or a melody

I can only try

The Loving Lament

  Why is it so often that people forget what is truly important.   I have sat back so long and have listened to how utterly horrible peoples lives are.  I’m surprised the suicide rate isn’t higher than it is.     Annie Dillard said, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” (Annie Dillard (born April 30, 1945 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American author, best known for her narrative nonfiction. She has also published two novels, poetry, essays, literary criticism, and memoir)

   Let’s think about this more clearly.  I can honestly say that I know people who when I talk to them, 70% of what they are saying is a negetive about their own life.  Don’t get me wrong, I complain.  Sometimes a lot.  But it seems that people get into the “life debate” and it gets on my nerves.  Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and emotions.  Correct?  Well, when I feel the need to share mine, the last thing I want is for whatever it is I am talking about to be “one upped”.  That is the most rediculous thing I have ever come across.  The reason I bring this quote into it is do these people who do this really spend their lives one upping people?  It is getting to be quite annoying.  There are people who I don’t answer the phone for because of it.  I know other people who don’t answer their phones because of it. 

  Its almost like it is a competition to see who can have the more miserable life.  I am trying so damn hard to improve upon my life.  So hard, and yes, I fall into hard times once in awhile.  But I just cannot understand how people can be in such a horrible rotten place all the time.  I can play the one up game.  I have been in some places that people cant describe.  But I came out of it.  Thankfully.  I think what it comes down to is the amount of those people with negative lives who actually try to do something about it. 

   I hear you! I hear your pain, your misery. I feel for you.  But if you want to continue to receive my sympathy you need to try.  Put the boxing gloves on.  Punch life in the mouth.  I’ll be more than willing to listen to how life keeps getting up after you punch it.  I’ll probably even be more than happy to punch it with you (I have lots of practice).  But if you cant help yourself, then I don’t know what to tell you.  I can only do so much.   Unfortunatly, I see both sides of this.  I see the “Johnny Rainclouds” and I see the “Lovers of Lament”.  It’s to bad that the lovers don’t get an umbrella.  Hopefully reading this will inspire them to go out and get an umbrella soon. 

   They always say that anger spreads sadness is like a plague.  Well, I’m sick of having to battle it off.  I have been an angry person for to long.  Way to long.. I’m sick of it.  I want to love, be happy and smile. 

And that is exactly what  I plan on doing.

   WATCH OUT NOW!  This guy has his umbrella.

Christmas Time Realization

So, it’s Christmas day. I sit here on my couch in my nice cozy apartment. My girlfriend Kristin is getting ready in our bedroom. We woke up this morning and “Santa came”. We gave each other our gifts. She is so thoughtful. The time and thought she put into my gifts was great. She really liked what I got her too. My family is all in Chicago. My home, the place where everything I know is.


As I sit here on my couch I listen to the Smashing Pumpkins. Ironically also from Chicago. I have this sort of sad feeling. I love my life, although, this month has been very trying for me. I have been working 14 hour days almost everyday. There are a bunch of fraudulent charges on my bank account which caused me to lose a lot of money. Either way, it has been a very long month. I received was watching my girlfriend go through her contacts and send a ton of text messages to family and friends. I realized I only had about 2 people to do that with. It made me really sad. Not only am I not with friends or family on Christmas but I don’t even really have anyone to wish a merry Christmas. You know the saying that “no man is an island". I know that saying has a specific meaning, but I kind of feel like an island. A tourist trap. I make friends, they stay for awhile, then leave. Some longer than others and some come back and stay awhile again. Is this what it has come to? All of my friends are tourists? Hang out for awhile till they find something new? I understand everyone has their own lives. Maybe this is more of a realization that I don’t have one?

Is it strange that I still feel different up here? Why do I feel like an outsider? Everyday I hear people talking about things like they happened yesterday. All this stuff that they have experienced with one another. All the good times with each other. I don’t have that with anyone. No one. All of my friends are gone. All of my “brothers” from Chicago have abandoned me. All of my friends up here seem fake. (Minus the girlfriend, she is incredible) They always have another agenda, adjacent to the one that show you. There is no sense of comradeship, I miss that. I cant be to upset though. I have heard that no one talks to each other down in Chicago anymore either. Is this how it is going to be? Is this adult life? If it is I want to go back a few years. Fuck it. I was looking at going to Russia for 2 weeks and helping out post soviet children. Teaching English and helping with social abilities. I think that would be good for me. Being with people who truly appreciate what a friendship is. Why should poverty and the lack of overall social events contribute to the utter downfall of social habits. There is no need for it. I cant stand it. I have always been a pro pride and honor advocate. But now I think I am going to take it to a new extreme. There is no reason people should be treated the way that they are, and I think I am going to be one to help stop it. No longer should people have to bow to those who don’t deserve it. Or have to deal with people disrespecting them.

All of us who believe we need to stand up and fight against the atrocities of non-honor and non-pride stand with me! We need to unite under one flag and fight against the downfall of society. Weed out the people who put down the social deficit even further than it is. Who is willing to fight back against all of the ones who are pissed off for no reason and think they can treat others like shit? Who is ready to fight against your own personal pride and integrity? I’ll tell you what, I sure as hell am. And I hope that all of you are too!



We need to band together and fight for what we believe in and deserve

Leadership in America

With wicked memories of yesterdays, one can only wish to produce what is in their minds. To really describe what is in your head for some reason is forbidden in today’s society. Why must we shackle ourselves to the notion that we must keep what we are truly thinking, to ourselves? How does that promote truth and honor in today’s society?

While walking down the gray cracked sidewalk I really take a good look at my surroundings. Why am I here? I ask this question to myself everyday. Thinking back to the first day that I came here and walking down this same crack ridden sidewalk. Still stuck here, I think to myself. A lot of self realization comes with that statement. A sort of vote of truth if you will. It is strange to think that being in a town could feel like being stuck in a prison. Moving here 5 years ago to get away and start a new. Only wishing now to go back to what I know and call my home. It isn’t that bad to a certain extent. It’s just that the town of ________ doesn’t offer up much in the sense of where will you take your life. I don’t want to live like these people. They all look so complacent. I would rather have a goal, an ambitious project. A light at the end of the tunnel to where I can obtain more things. I may only be 23, but I have dreams and wants in life. The problem is, that everyone seems to be trying to hold me back from what I know I can achieve. Is it the way I dress? Are my eyes to brown for you? Is being 6’5’’ to tall? I think the real question is, should it matter. We spend the majority of our lives, planning, preparing, looking for the next opportunity. To what? Get it shoved back in our faces. I always ask myself, am I good enough? Maybe I really should be asking, are they?

Who do I mean when I say “they”? Our leaders. I’m not talking about government. I mean my boss, your boss, your bosses boss. Ever notice that directly above you everyone is happy. Everyone above the servers, the garbage men, the delivery drivers, the cashiers. All the snow shovelers, the miners, the laborers. The ones that work for what they need and not what they want. I look at who I deal with everyday, and it seems pretty clear to me that they have forgotten what it is like to work for what you need. I have the job I have to start a career. Not to get another job. And look what happens, a year later here I am, no light at the end of the tunnel, just another shit job to take up my time. I feel sorry, for the people who go above and beyond and don’t get any recognition. I feel sorry for the people who’s bosses give them a pat on the back then bury them for a human mistake. But most of all, I feel sorry for the bosses. And their smug attitudes, happy families. Not a care in the world. They have forgotten what it is like to be stuck in the middle. Stuck between unemployed and going nowhere. I have put to much of my time and energy into something that just got kicked in my face. And so has everybody else. Respect? Pride? Honor? Where did that go? Why don’t people get what they deserve. I work with pieces of shit. That do absolutely nothing. Why do they still have jobs? Because they have been their for 20 years. Good for them.. Way to go. But when I get in trouble for their lazy mistakes, and I have to take the whipping for their incompetence I have a small issue with that.

I have had enough. I no longer want to take this. What is going to happen in 10 years when they are gone? No longer managers? No longer on the board, in the driver seat. How can they expect us to want to do anything? Or try to? I have seen them break the spirits of hundreds. People say that’s life. That’s life? To tell people they aren’t good enough? To put them down when they do bad and do nothing when they do good? Maybe it’s our generations teachers fault’s when they said we could do anything. I am not prepared to sit and take this kind of work environment. Fuck that, they can find someone else. And they will. Because that is what today’s workplace has turned into. A bunch of replaceable drones managed by a bunch of egotistical, smug, greedy pricks who only have an agenda for bettering themselves.

And to them I say, “Go fuck yourselves”

Is officially blogging by phone.

zeitgeistmovie.com

If you want your mind completly blown, check out this movie. It will really make you want to get out there and let your voice be heard!!!

Dan