Christmas Time Realization

So, it’s Christmas day. I sit here on my couch in my nice cozy apartment. My girlfriend Kristin is getting ready in our bedroom. We woke up this morning and “Santa came”. We gave each other our gifts. She is so thoughtful. The time and thought she put into my gifts was great. She really liked what I got her too. My family is all in Chicago. My home, the place where everything I know is.


As I sit here on my couch I listen to the Smashing Pumpkins. Ironically also from Chicago. I have this sort of sad feeling. I love my life, although, this month has been very trying for me. I have been working 14 hour days almost everyday. There are a bunch of fraudulent charges on my bank account which caused me to lose a lot of money. Either way, it has been a very long month. I received was watching my girlfriend go through her contacts and send a ton of text messages to family and friends. I realized I only had about 2 people to do that with. It made me really sad. Not only am I not with friends or family on Christmas but I don’t even really have anyone to wish a merry Christmas. You know the saying that “no man is an island". I know that saying has a specific meaning, but I kind of feel like an island. A tourist trap. I make friends, they stay for awhile, then leave. Some longer than others and some come back and stay awhile again. Is this what it has come to? All of my friends are tourists? Hang out for awhile till they find something new? I understand everyone has their own lives. Maybe this is more of a realization that I don’t have one?

Is it strange that I still feel different up here? Why do I feel like an outsider? Everyday I hear people talking about things like they happened yesterday. All this stuff that they have experienced with one another. All the good times with each other. I don’t have that with anyone. No one. All of my friends are gone. All of my “brothers” from Chicago have abandoned me. All of my friends up here seem fake. (Minus the girlfriend, she is incredible) They always have another agenda, adjacent to the one that show you. There is no sense of comradeship, I miss that. I cant be to upset though. I have heard that no one talks to each other down in Chicago anymore either. Is this how it is going to be? Is this adult life? If it is I want to go back a few years. Fuck it. I was looking at going to Russia for 2 weeks and helping out post soviet children. Teaching English and helping with social abilities. I think that would be good for me. Being with people who truly appreciate what a friendship is. Why should poverty and the lack of overall social events contribute to the utter downfall of social habits. There is no need for it. I cant stand it. I have always been a pro pride and honor advocate. But now I think I am going to take it to a new extreme. There is no reason people should be treated the way that they are, and I think I am going to be one to help stop it. No longer should people have to bow to those who don’t deserve it. Or have to deal with people disrespecting them.

All of us who believe we need to stand up and fight against the atrocities of non-honor and non-pride stand with me! We need to unite under one flag and fight against the downfall of society. Weed out the people who put down the social deficit even further than it is. Who is willing to fight back against all of the ones who are pissed off for no reason and think they can treat others like shit? Who is ready to fight against your own personal pride and integrity? I’ll tell you what, I sure as hell am. And I hope that all of you are too!



We need to band together and fight for what we believe in and deserve